Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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