it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
