Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
