the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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