I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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