well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
