Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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