i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
