Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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