And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
