maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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