I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
