epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she peed on how many people?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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