I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
