so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
