You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
