Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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