I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
