..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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