Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
