remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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