btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
