nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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