You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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