Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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