I'm so fucking centered right now
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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