i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
