she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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