he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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