Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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