You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
