***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
