Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
