this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
