Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
