I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
