If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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