dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
