Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
