I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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