I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
