I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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