More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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