Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
