She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
please come you make the beer taste better
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
