wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
