ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
