Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
