just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
