found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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