check it out our google latitudes are spooning
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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