its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
