pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
