I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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