I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
