I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
