I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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