my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
