i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
