Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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